Thursday, October 30, 2008

Youthful Indiscretion: The Foiled Obama Assasination

The (Almost) Assasination of Barack Obama by the Cowart-Schlesselman

I hate when old people talk derisively about my generation's work ethic. I just had a 'conversation' w/ this old dude on the bus about exactly that. I do not know why the old nostalgia-cs always sit next to me. And why the hate flows so easily out their pores. Good old days, rotten kids these days, recession, depression blah blah blah. I never really got into a full blown argument w/ him but I totally could have. I was being nice. But be easy, Mister Old Spice. No one on the corner has swagger like us.

Case in point: So you've probably heard about this, but these
two kids got caught planning a national killing spree - an ambitious endeavour that plotted the deaths of 88 black people, 14 of which were supposed to be beheadings – Ahem, please note the discipline, Mister. The killing spree was supposed to culminate with ..the assassination of Barack Obama (aka Change McCain can believe in). Umm sideline questions: I thought killing Obama was against the KKK's interests? Geez, why must bigots be soo indecisive? Also, since these kids were being so meticulous with the number and racial segregation of deaths and all, I must ask - does obama's death count as a point in the white or black death column? 50/50? Hmm. Whatever, math was never my strong suite anyway.

Anyways, Mr. Old-Ass Baby Boomer also kept bitching about how attention spans these days ranged from miniscule to non existent. *Yawn* Pssh Whatever player-hater. Attention to detail is key.

Firstly, peep the number of deaths planned. 88. Not 80, not 90, not a 100. Gone are the old days when mass murderers & natural disasters planned death tolls in large, predictably blase, well-rounded numbers. With the state of today's financial markets, we're getting inundated with similar, steadily-plummeting numbers - Knowing that they were competing in such a number-saturated environment, these self aware kids responded w/ an innovative, distinctive death toll. 88 in the year 2008. Brilliant. 88 its like ...ayyy, forget these multiples of 10, foo'. You also get the impression that they've got principles and limits. I mean, 88 they're down with, but 89 wowowowow slow down there homeslice, lets not get carried away here - Thts just crossing the line. (Update: so apparently, 88 and 14 have deep, symbolic significance in the white supremacist community. I wasn't aware. Apologies if I have offended anyone. But hey Mr, guess what? This proves that these kids had respect for tradition and culture as well. So hah!)

Also, speaking of work ethic and attention to detail, check out the gear, holmes: "Both individuals stated they would dress in all white tuxedos and wear top hats during the assassination attempt," the court complaint states." See the pre-80s babies might stop w/ a fly tuxedo, but today's generation knows that accessories are essential for the swag splash, swan song. So viola, icing on top: top hat. Put your jazz hands in the air and wave em like you just dont care. So, yeah, believe the ironic hipster hypebeast, mister. And fashion yourself forward, for the good, old days are over.

Oh and take cover, coz kids these days stay f-f-f-fresh to death.

P.S Dessert: in case your appetite growls for more.

P.P.S Christopher over at Fuck I Look Like? plans to celebrate his return w/ blogs about age in hip hop. Hopefully he will address the issue of annoying old people on the bus. Fingers crossed.


Jordan said...

That article about the kids is worded very confusingly, but I took it to mean that most if not all of the 88 would be black but that 14 black people would be killed by beheading. I might be wrong on that though, as my bias is that if white supremacists were to kill 88 people, more than 14 of them would be black. Perhaps I'm unfairly stereotyping these white supremacist serial killers.

Jay (d)eff Kay said...

you know what, i'm pretty sure you're right (again) damn you jordan *shakes fist* correction made. The very first time i heard the story, it did report it as being 88 black people, as does the cbs news link byline. I just got slightly confused by the line within the article itself. A part of me thought they'd actually decided to kill a few white people in the mix just to throw people off - so yknow they didn't seem toootally racist. Like you, I was unfairly stereotyping them too - but in a positive way mind you. My expectations for anyone aiming for SUPREMACY tends to be pretty high.