Friday, November 7, 2008

Anal-ytical Appreciation: Jim Jones' Pop Champagne

Press play, player haters. Show some respect. Jimmy’s been in his dingy dungeon, valiantly trying to put that crack pipe down. Maury and 7th Heaven reruns have profoundly changed him - He doesn’t want to stay perpetually high, no lie, and you should know this. He’s been focusing his lack of talent on cooking up a worthy follow-up to his monster smash ‘Ballin’. Will he succeed? Or will he continue to stay in the one hit wonder league alongside the esteemed likes of Tatu, Vanilla Ice, and Bobby McFerrin?

Here’s my two (x 4) cents on the video:

1) How does Jimmy jump on a Ron Browz track, and then release it as a ‘Jim Jones featuring Ron Browz’ exclusive? Hmm. Must be one of his many trend-setting tactics. Don’t sleep on it. On a related note, the next house party I get invited to, I’m gonna go welcome the host - "Make yourselves at home, folks"

2) Speaking of Ron Browz, the hook is not too shabby. It’s got an interesting ‘grown-man-trying-to-make a-drunk-bellydancer-anthem’ feel.

3) The video, on the other hand, is just a Ballin’ Remix knockoff, with champagne replacing dollar bills. Another sad reminder of how bad the economy is doing – Rappers can’t even afford fake cash.

4) Jim Jones is a stunningly bad rapper. We all know this, but hearing his verse on this joint, will make you look around the room and say it out loud. You will then pause, shake your head, roll your eyes and emphatically yell: “Seriously

5) I know this is a really lazy, predictable cheapshot, but Jimmy’s hygiene is seriously on-route to becoming a documentary on the Discovery Channel (Voiceover: we know see Jimmy in his natural habitat. Watch closely as he proceeds to lick himself thoroughly to ward off predators). I mean, how does this man (even when cloaked in the brightest of brand names, in the most luxurious of locales) always manage to look like he needs a scrub-a-dub-dub? That ain’t a beard homey, that’s just dust mites. Forget Dame Dash, Jimmy needs to pal around w/ Bubble Bath. How ‘bout some swag splash with soap, son?

6) Why are Juelz’s eyes bulging so far out his out skull (gang?), @ the beginning of his verse? For someone who’s commanding girls to get naked, he sure doesn’t seem very excited about his prospects. Alarmed, maybe. It’s a frightened, getmeouttahere glare. I'm talking about a ‘nuh-uh-nana-don’t-make me-visit-grandada-again-he-likes-to-play-touch-touch-with-my-peepee’ glare. You get the feeling that he just realized that he was in a Jim Jones video.

7) Even the slowest of the slow understand the phallic symbolism behind popping champagne. You might not approve of hyper masculine rappers pouring a bottle’s overflowing contents all over scantily-clad women, but at least you get where they’re coming from, right? However, this video, in a surprising twist, is filled w/ dudes jizzing champagne all over themselves and each other (In ‘tight wet t-shirts,’ as Dallas pointed out) As for the finer details of this flamboyant fuckery - 1.36 secs into the video, you can catch Jones authoritatively spilling his champagne, and his boy cupping his hands in a desperate attempt to lap up every last drop of the golden shower. It’s basically like a homoerotic take on cheerleaders getting crunk in a carwash.

This display coupled w/ Juelz’s penchant for cascading silk scarves is clearly a blatant retort to critics who continue to associate rap with homophobia. Prop 8 just got passed in California and this is probably Jones & Co.’s way of protesting it.

8) I was expecting a ton of celebrity cameos, but all I got was Jimmy, Juelz, Mike Epps, and Busta Rhymes. Ladies and Gentlemen, ‘Swagga Like Us- The Recession Edition'

I’m sure there is much that I’ve failed to appreciate, but that is all for now. Pick up the slack for me, won’t you please?


Jordan said...

Well done sir, especially on points 1 and 7. That's just absurd. You know what's crazy? It's been two years since this guy's last hit and we're still talking about him. Like Baby Boy Da Prince had a more recent hit that was actually good, and when was the last time anyone mentioned him?

Also Ron Mexico from XXL has vowed to go in on this video, so make sure you copyright this entry and get ready to sue if there's any overlap.

Jay (d)eff Kay said...

I want to take credit for this piece, but Jim Jones is the sort of muse that does all the work for you. I really don’t mind talking ‘bout this dude, but the whole Rick Rubin giving him that ridiculoid 50/50 split, multimillion dollar deal has me still going “WHAT IN THE NAME OF ELI?” in the middle of the night. I’ve always hated when the whole underground scene stereotypically bitches abt major labels favouring style over substance, but then something like this happens and you just have to throw your hands in the air.

"Also Ron Mexico from XXL has vowed to go in on this video, so make sure you copyright this entry and get ready to sue if there's any overlap"

Has he really? Can I actually copyright my entries coz I’d be absolutely privileged and honoured to sue him. I swear the greatest blessing to being someone who’s completely a total latecomer to this rap blogosphere, is that there’s a lot of great content that I can catch upon (as opposed to having to wait each week for a new column). Like I remember, earlier last month being hipped to Mexico, and there were these great extended periods of time where I was just surfing his XXL archive. Just plain solid.

Jordan said...

Here's where Mex confirms this
I have no idea how or if you can copyright posts.

Yeah I warmed to Ron kinda late too, as he first came in when XXL fired Noz and Maurice Garland and Dallas Penn (who they promptly re-hired) and the first replacement blogger was the consistently horrible "Jackpot," so it looked like worthwhile XXL blogs were a thing of the past. Then Jackpot brought in Mexico, and even though his stuff was pretty funny I basically skimmed it looking for stuff to hate. It was only within the past couple months that I acknowledged to myself that dude was consistently hilarious. Also a few weeks ago I discovered that I was on his blog roll, which is probably my proudest blogosphere accomplishment.

Jay (d)eff Kay said...

I started reading rap blogs (blogs in general for that matter) sometime earlier this year...butso I sorta followed the same pattern as you w/ regards to xxl blogs - by the time i had started reading them, noz was probably in his last 2 months of blogging at xxl. and by the time i'd devoured his archive, he'd been fired, and xxl had removed the posse on blogway archive (which is a damn damn shame. hopefully he's gonna resurrect them at cocaine blunts, coz it was one of the few hip hop blogs that I actually considered insightful.) but yeah, now with ron mex in the mix along with bol and dallas, xxl remains a worthy pastime

Jordan said...

here's a few old noz entries

Jay (d)eff Kay said...

Nice! Thanks man. Been meaning to re-read Noz's xxl classics