Saturday, December 6, 2008

Anal-ytical Appreciation: Common's 'Gladiator'

How the new album came into existence

Don't believe the hype. The new Common album, 'Universal Mind Control' isn't a thoroughly enjoyable trainwreck. This shit is just offensively forgettable. I can't even easily come up with a list of fabulously lame one liners from this lame duck album. There is nothing as silly & astoundingly amusing as "Broads say are you a philosopher? Yeah Yeah, I'll philosophi- on top of ya." Insert sad face emoticon.

I know I'm kinda late, but I just wanted to point of a few things that haven't been mentioned in the reviews for this album. Primarily about the insight dropped on the lyrical exercize, 'Gladiator', one of the few decent tracks on this abortion of a record. This track attempts to one-up DocZeus' hilarious letter, as Common's own subconscious seems to be warning him about the disaster the album's gonna be. Com, didn't Erykah tell you anything about your third eye?

Please note the following lines off of 'Gladiator'

1) Like Jacob Jewel, I keep clientele - Jacob's clientele is about to disappear like your fanbase, fam.

2) The warrior archetype, like Kimbo Slice - Yikes @ the timing. Man, if we're gonna use mixed martial arts metaphors, you should know that it
only takes a second. One bad move and you're down for the count.

3) Defeat your whole army, like 'This is Sparta' - Umm dude, as valiant as those semi-nude spartans looked, you know they lost right?

4) Pay homage to the rap Ziggy Stardust - Word? Yknow in the plot of Ziggy Stardust, there's a song called Rock n Roll suicide, right? One where Ziggy dies on stage? Thats how it ends, holmes.

You know what the rest of this party-oriented album sounds like? Its like that time. Remember that time? When your old ass uncle attended your cousin's wedding? Remember when the DJ played Billie Jean? Remember how he shoved you guys out of the way and got on the dance floor? Remember how he was like "Man, I can get down with the best of 'em" ? Remember how he then rolled up his sleeve and got down on the floor to do The Worm? Remember how he only managed one wave before he violently crashed his balls on the dancefloor? Remember? Yeaaaaah, that time.

No comments: