But still, let’s umm prod a little further.
1) What in the name of Terrance Howard’s immaculate perm? Chairs can explode? If I’m not mistaken these kinds of chairs are pretty commonplace. I just didn’t realize that they were powerful enough for an explosion though. I think its time to investigate our seating arrangements, folks. I don’t plan on entering heaven with a titanium tail. What’s that? Pssh yeaah O.K. I soo am going to heaven. You don’t even know me hater!
3) We bitch about pain in our lives, but imagine if the last thing you ever felt before you died was a thunderous battery ram right up your ass. No, really. Take a deep breath. Unclench your minds and your a-holes, and really imagine. All that time you wasted, updating your twitter and searching for meaning in life. And boom, its all gone. Now all you get is searing, unconditional pain and a kaleidoscope of flashing lights, filtered via a pole up your rectum.
4) Hypothetical Q&A time: In such a traumatic scenario, what do you think widens more? – Your asshole or your pupils?
5) Before we leave, let us please not to forget to tip commenter “OMG! Ponies!” who’s enriched all our lives with this gem of a response : “Rectum? It damn nearly killed him”
And I’m gone.