Sunday, March 22, 2009

Single, Please Mingle: Bat For Lashes' 'Daniel'

Dudes, this is so not funny.

Okkk lets get the formalities out of the way. Natasha Khan just slapped a chokehold on the indie it girl crown. The song's beautiful and if it already hasn't, its probably gonna fucking blow the fuck up anytime now.

But dudes, have you seen the terrifying video yet? Watch it first and then we'll chat.

Okkk Now pull up a chair and grab a notebook. I'll just rest my head on the couch, thank you very much. Wait, can I get a glass of water first? K, now we're good. Wait is this fucking Dasani? Whatever, we're on the clock. Let's go.

So I don't think I've ever openly talked abt this to anyone on the internets, but ..but when I was in kindergarten, something horrible happened. Like, scarred-for-life horrible. Our KG teacher gave us this textbook of Hindi poems, filled with all sorts of dope illustrations right next to the poems. All well and good, since I liked colourful stuff yknow? But there was this one poem about the moon talking to kids, and the illustration for that poem had the moon personified pictorially - it was a human body whose head was a moon. And the moon face was just smiling widely looking at a group of wide-eyed, awe-inspired kids. Now I clearly remember that all the kids in my class loved this - both poem and picture. But it just scared the living hell out of me. I might have been a KG OG, but I seriously cried and ran out of the class each time anyone ever opened their textbook to that page.

Seriously it was the creepiest looking thing ever. EVER EVER. In retrospect, I'm sure I recognized the racial and pedophilic undertones of this illustration of a pale-faced perv looking at a bunch of helpless, innocent kids. This was Michael Jackson before Michael Jackson turned into Michael Jackson, you feel me? I just sensed all kinds of wrong in that pic. Anyway, so I went through this phase for a couple of years where I just couldn't look at the moon. I guess with the passage of time, this irrational (?) fear just passed away. Or swept under the rug atleast.

It was all fine and dandy until this video dropped. As you've seen, this video has these weird lycra-wearing freakazoids with ball-like contraptions on their face attacking Natasha. So very many balls, y'all. Its like the moon faces have returned in some hideous mutant form. This is Cirque du Soleil on LSD, holmes. In the beginning of the vid, these moon men just come up outta nowhere and start molesting Natasha. Then they start smearing their ball faces onto her face. I would've counted the number of times her face got slapped by those balls if I wasn't heavily buggin out. After suffering some horrific ball-blasting abuse, Natasha somehow breaks free and makes an escape attempt in her getaway wagon. But the moon men just hop on top for the ride, surf style. One of them manages to slip through the backwindow and then proceeds to molest her from the backseat. Natasha obviously can't do anything coz she is a diligent driver and has her hands on wheel (10 and 2 coz she's disciplined like that). Scotty, please beam me the fuck outta here. PRONTO. I just can't talk about this anymore. This is all just fucking wrong x 10.

On the faintly brightside, Natasha makes it through the storm, and reunites with 'Daniel', who for some strange reason lives in the deepest section of some macabre woods-scape (Hipsters aren't immune to foreclosures, I guess)

Whatevs. Song is fantastic, but no thanks for unearthing terrifying childhood paranoias,
Johan Renck. I'll see you in court.

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